Ok... it is true...the dating app algorithms can really suck and are stacked against you. Dating app companies want people to stay in a virtual loop of single-dom, after all that's how they make their money. And..., many singles online do fall into the trap of the illusion of infinite choice that clouds their ability to get to know any one person well. They keep swiping and chatting - feeling the hit of dopamine, only to find themselves still single after months of chatting online, blaming online dating as the issue: so there is definitely a minefield of singles missing opportunities for real connection, and app companies hoping you continue to swipe and stay single.
However, dating apps do deserve some attention and a place in the world of dating. The sheer volume of singles online cannot be matched in real life. It is not either or - of course singles should still leverage all their options, including meeting other singles in real life, through activities, via their friends and networks etc., however having access to 1000s of new singles each week online, has potential that is unmatched in any other part of our lives.
And..., there are some tricks to hack the system slightly to your advantage:
Different apps, different people
People have strange assumptions about apps.
I still hear people say Tinder is only for hookups. Maybe that was true ten years ago — but it really isn’t anymore. Tinder has become mainstream, and one of its biggest advantages is simply volume. There are thousands of new people on it each week! Yes the algorithms can be evil, and play a lot of games, but I can tell you that I met 2 partners, and one great friend on Tinder, and I have heard of other people having success as well.
When I was online dating, I felt there was no harm in expanding my repertoire. Why only stick with one site? I went on free sites like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and OkCupid. I also spent money for awhile on Match. I found there were slightly different types of people on each one, so I wanted to widen my opportunities.
Sometimes it’s not that nobody wants you. Sometimes it’s simply about adjusting your approach.
Refresh the approach
I also changed my profile regularly.
If I wasn’t getting enough traction, I would change photos, rewrite my profile, add different pictures — or even temporarily remove my account and relaunch it later, because the algorithms often boost newer profiles. I tried having fun, expanding my creativity and playful spirit while reworking my profiles.
It was like public scrapbooking, and I was true to my self and stayed away from being performative.
My partner paid for extra features on Tinder so he could only match with women who had already swiped on him first, which saved him time and frustration. He was working a lot and wanted more efficiency with his matching.
There is also evidence supporting small changes to dating profile pictures.
Black and white pictures, outweigh colored ones, and pictures of men looking into the camera attract women; women looking to the side, are more appealing to men.
Both men and women, like to see more photo's of participating in an activity (skiing, hiking, traveling), less groups shots, no bathroom mirror picks, no men holding fish that they just caught (not sure why there are so many of these), no workout photos from the gym, or group pics.
I believe trying new ways to make your profile stand out, having friends' input, and changing things up - can help.
Using a dating coach can also provide support to help provide more objectively by refining your profile, selecting pics, and also responding openly and appropriately to matches when you do get hits. Some dating coaches even take total control of your app so you don't have to deal with the chatter and frustration and just set up dates for you.
The trick is to have fun and take the pressure out of the process. Even creating a dating profile can be a creative and joyful experience if you stay in a playful and open mode of self discovery.